Why?

Yes, why put yourself through all this? Your knees will scream and your crotch get hot and sweaty; flies in your ears, nostrils and soup. And that's just the flight.
I have to lose weight - Doctor's orders, but I like eating and drinking so I figured the trip would guarantee a calorie deficit. Moderate cycling for the heftier among us uses about 900 calories an hour; just right as the trip ended up on a sunny beach by which time the hastily shrunken belly would no longer blot out the sun for fellow beach users. Plenty of nice views on the way; and a couple of big climbs to brag about (again, if anyone knows what it is you're bragging about).

My cycle buddy, 'D', fancied the challenge of getting over the hills, but didn't need to lose any lard and wasn't that bothered by the beaches. He'd be quite happy cycling for ten hours a day.

They were many solitary cyclists who'd shrugged off the pleas of their loved ones to spend several weeks on an Alpine odyssey - climbing as many cols as they could. The conversation would go:

Hi, where are you from?

We're from London.

Ha, ha, ha ,ha. You're are cycling, huh?! 

Yes, we...

I am Tom from Hollant. I have been cycling the Col de Sac this morning; I am doing the Col de Fete before lunch....How many cols have you done?

We've done...

This is my fourteenth trip in the Alps. This is my lovely bike. I call Erica....

It seems Alpine cycling can be addictive.

Preparation

Hair cut, trim me toenails and a few laps of Hyde Park now and then mainly to firm up me batty.

I guess 20 miles in one go without much puffin' and pantin' even if its mainly flat is OK. This isn't a race and all you've got to do is get to the beach. What you really need to work on is the head - what it's likely to do when faced with a 45-mile hill in the rain. With the right gears and a general wellness of being, you should be able to get to the top...